Prologue: What the @?&! am I doing?!

5 Days left until I pack my bags and go to Surrey...and this is probably the best time to say how friggin' scared I am about it.

Alot of people are probably looking at this now and thinking 'You don't need to be scared, you are hopefully prepared and sorted' etc. Which is all well and good, because I sort of am. I havenew things like my Grill and Toaster Oven, my clothes are almost ready to be packed, I need to get my accounts sorted out and such. But the thing is, no matter how much stuff I get ready and all that, I just don't know if I mentally am ready.

This will be the first time I've lived on my own for longer than a week. The last time was about 2 years ago when I stayed with a family in Surrey while I was helping out at a activity week where we looked after a great group of kids. The major difference being that I was being fed helped out by the family and Karen, who's a great mentor for this sort of thing. I won't have anyone like that and even for the first week, I'll probably have no one else with me in my house-cottage-smallflat-thing because everyone else is moving in a few days after me.

It's like this whole new adventure where I'll be living on my own, doing my own shopping, doing my own washing and cleaning, doing my own meals and to be quite honest, I don't know whether I can do that. For 19 years, I basically had my mum help me with almost everything. What looks good on me, what I should do with my hair, where I should go to get cheap yet good shopping. It wasn't like I couldn't do any of it by myself, but she was just there to guide me.

I know she's still there for me, but most of the decisions will be made by me. What I have for dinner, when I eat, how I manage my money, where I go out, how much I spend when I go out etc. And in the past, I've never been good at making those decisions. My reputation with money, for example, makes Michael Jackson look like Donald Trump.

So I'm absolutly petrified. It's like in The Truman Show, where Truman basically has been living in his world for all his life, then leaves it to go on to a whole new world. The only difference being, I'll know how I get on in this 'real world' senario. But I don't know whether it'll turn out good or bad.

I'm probably overreacting on all this, but for me, it's justifiable. This is the first time I'll be looking after me. I'll get support for my classes, a new laptop etc which is what I got in my other schools, but what I am worried about is how I'm going to survive and sometimes, I just don't think I can.